


Cooking Notes

by TheOwlsBride



Category: Kuroshitsuji, Kuroshitsuji (2014), Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Cooking, Crossover, Fun, Historical References, Humor, Leonardo Da Vinci - Freeform, Original Fiction, Parody, funy undertaker, recipies, underetaker cooking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:53:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOwlsBride/pseuds/TheOwlsBride
Summary: Undertaker seems to know how to cook, apparently—lovely cross over between the famous mortician and the famous Leonardo Da Vinci.  Shorts chapters about Undertaker cooking abilities inspired in Leonardo´s Cooking notes.
Relationships: Undertaker (Kuroshitsuji)/Original Character(s), Undertaker (Kuroshitsuji)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. About Polentas

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroshitsuji characters do not belong to me. The kitchen annotations, by Leonardo da Vinci, of course neither.

1 - About polentas:

In the last weeks the business started to decline, it seems that not so many people die anymore, and they are taking the fun out of my life. Not making them beautiful again is heartbreaking. It's been a long time since the young earl has come to visit me too, so I haven't had a good joke in a long time. If I continue with this routine, I will end up going crazy ... crazy?  
The other afternoon while I was waiting for a client to cross that door, (it doesn't matter if they are young, old, men or women, since in short, they all end up in the same place) I went to the kitchen to prepare my lunch. I thought that maybe that way, I could make time go by faster. Tired of my delicious cookies (which no one seems to appreciate), I decided then to observe the polentas and their preparation.  
For the first time in my long existence, I can say that I am very disappointed, utterly depressed. I have spent the day observing the blessed polentas; they look really sad. What can I do to change their luck?


	2. 2- About how polentas should be ... and that they finally stop being sad

2- About how polentas should be ... and that they finally stop being sad

After being deeply saddened by the vision of the polentas and the results after trying them and observing them, I decided that I would try to change their unhappiness existence. 

The result was not as expected:

The kitchen that I bearly used before, other than for cooking my beloved biscuits and heating water for a simple tea, was practically destroyed. The black smoke darkened the atmosphere even more, like if that were possible. The vision was almost devastating: the pots used for cooking were mostly burned and with more holes than many of the bodies that enter the Parlor. The walls were discreetly decorated with stains of the poor polentas, of whom I cannot say that at that moment they looked happier, I should clean them~ Or not! Heh heh, heh~ On second thought they look pretty creative where they end... No, I think I should clean~.   
Finally, I must add to this little note that although I do not foresee a promising future for the polentas, I have discovered which ones are my favourites. Since I no longer have the blessed pots, perhaps before continuing with a recipe book, I should first create new tools that facilitate cooking. I know that among all my devices, there must be what I need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He is really trying. Would he succeed? Read and review for more!


	3. 3- About the requirements for a kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroshitsuji nor Leonardo Da Vinci Codex belong to me.

3- About the requirements for a kitchen.

A few days ago, after destroying pretty much every culinary "instrument" around me, I arrived at a significant conclusion: the first thing I needed to do was to put my thoughts in order~ Heh heh~ How troublesome. It was then that I decided to seek inspiration in the most perfect place I could think of, Phantomhive Manor. Who else but the young Earl´s butler to have a kitchen in order?  
It seemed that I did not arrive at a good time, since what once could look like the perfect kitchen, was a black clouded and smelled of gunpowder. It was even worse than what I had done to my beloved parlour. Apparently, the culprit was a blond boy, with a cigarette in his mouth. He was trying, by all means, to excuse himself with the butler. Maybe I could hire him as a counsellor, or not~ heh heh.  
I waited patiently for the demon to control the situation and watched. Here, the conclusions:

First, you need a constant heat source, and then a steady supply of boiling water, easy. An always clean floor, not so easy. Tools for cutting, peeling, slicing and grinding, luckily I have a lot of those. And finally, a device with the capacity to eliminate kitchen smells and odours to obtain a pleasant atmosphere. I wonder what kind of stenches he is talking about ...  
Maybe when I'm done with the renovations, I could invite the posh earl and his butler to dinner. He may not want to try the special made-costume coffin I so specially prepared for him, but my food instead...~ Heh Heh~


	4. 4- Machines that I have yet to build to add to my kitchen

4- Machines that I have yet to build to add to my kitchen.

It's been a while since I visited the Earl's Manor, where I got some fascinating ideas, some of them, like cleaning, I have already put in motion. Who would have said that the floor of the kitchen was shiny? Definitely not me, of course. At the same time, I succeed in the 'smells and odours control issue': Now it smells like lemon, how strange... I kind of miss the chemist products parfum~ Heh, heh, heh.~  
I opened a small window, which of course with the spider webs and the dust of the years, I did not know existed, now the sun comes through there. I also observed that the butler had two assistants in his kitchen. If I want a kitchen like his, then I have to get some of those assistants; therefore I placed a small advertisement on the door requesting the services of a lady or gentleman who wants to be employed as such. Until now, no one showed up, of course, I don't understand.

Now on too more essential topics: the machines that I must build to complete the kitchen. It seems that small tools are not enough, therefore here is the list:

To dice a pig

To pluck ducks

For pressing sheeps

To make a puree (with the pressed sheep? Luckily I am, a vegetarian)

To grind a pig.

However, I keep asking myself: How am I going to activate them? Wind, water, by the force of other animals?~ Heh, heh~.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undertaker addresses himself as a vegetarian, cause Leonardo was. Back in the Renaissance, he was one of the first in defending the animal's rights. He found eating animals like a barbaric act and a disrespect for life and death, even if he tried cooking for courts. I found this quite ironic because he didn´t doubt for a second in the name of science and arts to dissect, and study corpses, even if he had to desecrate graves or pay undertakers to give him bodies. Quite like our beloved Mortician, right?   
> Now, you know what to do! Kudos, comments, everything.


	5. 5- About my new assistant.

Dawn was barely breaking, and I was already making some annotations in my notebooks regarding the latest discoveries for my kitchen when the doorbell rang timidly. Probably another body, another client. Wiping the ink residue from my hands, I headed towards the entrance where I received a pleasant surprise.

It was not a widow, a young orphan, or anyone who would want a coffin, at least not at the moment~Heh heh.  
"Mr Undertaker?" asked a young girl too short for her age. Feeding problems had stopped her growth, her bones were visible under her thin white skin. I was starting to change my mind. Maybe she would need a coffin soon after all.   
I nodded my head, waiting for her to open her mouth again.  
"I come for the advertisement." She said timidly looking at me from below with some fear. What is it with people? What makes them feel so uncomfortable around me? I nodded, watching her from under my bangs.   
"If the position is still free, of course" She went ahead. I invited her in. The girl looked around the shop, and I'm sure she was starting to regret being there. I was so going to change that.   
"Name? Age? Family? Time availability?" I asked everything at once, pinning her against some coffins leaning against the wall. Maybe I sounded a bit more anxious than I really should have.  
"Gret...chen" She stuttered, avoiding my hidden gaze. "23 years old ... I have no family ... sir ... I have no problems... with the schedule" Maybe she wouldn't have problems with the schedule, but it seemed that she did have issues with speech~ Heh~.  
Perfect. The girl was perfect: without a family, she would have nowhere to go. As I assumed before about her diet, she would surely need the job, and the time availability was excellent. I could have her working for as long as I need. Not that I am a heartless abusive boss. She would have resting time, holidays and food included, now that I am decided to have a great kitchen, she was in the perfect place.   
"Hired." I said, taking her hand in mine, shaking it enthusiastically. Now I would have a full kitchen. We'll see who is the best chef Master Butler.  
The London wind slammed the door shut, and Gretchen jumped in a start. There was no turning back~ Heh, heh, heh~ This will be most interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact, true Fact: Leonardo had an assistant called Salai. In many of his notes and Codexes, Salai appears working side by side with him, so Gretchen is our version. In time Salai became the faithful apprentice of Leonardo Da Vinci, and some ill-intentioned have called him his lover. As you may know, Leonardo was charged with sodomy. At that time, homosexual relationships were seen as sinful relationships. Salai was also a minor. Whether or not he was his lover we will never know for sure. In this story, we do not know if there will be a love relationship between Undertaker and Gretchen, but what is certain is that she is of legal age, a condition without equanon in all my stories.   
> After this boooriiinnnggg note, you know what to do: Kudos, comments, follows... Don´t be shy


	6. 6- About the place that the murderers should be located at the table.

6- About the place that the murderers should be located at the table.

The season of social gatherings and parties had begun in London. Such a great opportunity. What better place to continue my observations than those where high society gathered to compete for which mansion offered the best banquet. I came to learned that in culinary matters and successful kitchens, it is not only important the level of food served but also the service provided outside of them. Both the host and the chef have to know who their guests are. They must know the tastes, habits and manners of each of the attendees.  
"Gretchen ..." I left the newspaper on the counter and called my new assistant who was cleaning the front of the shop at the time. The girl kept saying that the place had to always remain clean. Not only the kitchen but the whole parlour too, especially if I want a welcoming environment. I wonder how a commoner like her got to have such knowledge on social matters. I knew she was right, as bothersome as it were: it was quite difficult for me to maintain the perfect cleanliness of the rooms.  
"Sir?" She said approaching to where I was with the broom still in hand. She had a bit of grey powder on the tip of her little nose, and her hair was a bit tousled.  
"Prepare a ball gown dear ... tonight we will attend a banquet~ Heh" I giggled in delight, the girl's eyes lit up, but nervousness quickly appeared in her gaze.  
"I don't have a ball gown sir" her words were shy despite that in recent days we had already begun to have a more fluid relationship.  
"Pick the one you like the most over there, I don't think any of my clients will be offended" I dismissively pointed to the wardrove behind the curtain.   
"Sorry Sir, do they die on those?" She asked. The grimace of displeasure on her face made let me dumbfounded.  
"... Oh..." I chuckled "Of course not...pet~" If only she knows. The aura of humble innocence that surrounded this girl was the most fun, so fascinating. I am sure that over time I could shape her character and antics more in my own way.  
The banquet unfolded as expected between large tables full of food and drinks of the most diverse flavours. Gretchen's eyes were wide open, and she absorbed everything around her with great greed. The girl was very observant, I knew that I had not made a mistake in hiring her. Perhaps someday she could actually become a great apprentice.   
The young earl and his butler were there too. I knew then that something not so holy was about to happen. If not, the earl would not be there.  
Once again, I was not wrong. My conclusions, far from being about a good plate of food worthy of the nobility, were based on manners and strategies in the scandalous affairs of society. For example, what to do with a murderer at the table:

If murder is planned for lunch, the murderer should be located close to his victim, since this will less interrupt the conversation keeping the action closed to a small sector. The killer's skill will be that no other diner notices the movement. Once the corpse is removed from the table (and of course taken to my place~Heh), the usual is that the murderer discreetly also leaves the table, since his presence could disturb the digestion of some guests: a good scare could bring more bodies. Of course, for the occasion, a host who deigns to be a good one will quickly replace the two missing diners with others who are previously waiting to make their entrance.  
These nobles are hopeless...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact- True fact: During the Renaissance, social gatherings in the courts were commonplace, as well as the betrayals that were woven around them. Killing someone was quite usual then, therefore there must be a code of origin in this respect. Leonardo Da Vinci was in charge of studying these behaviours and detailing them in his book so that in the future they would become rules to follow.  
> Now, go on with your Kudos, notes, comments, and follows. I know you are there.


	7. About cooking with poisons.

7- About cooking with poisons  
It's been a few weeks since the last party we attended with Gretchen in London. I must say it was one of the most exciting things I did in the last few years and that's a lot saying because I've been busy~Heh heh. I am watching everything from a different perspective now, and everything seems new. Regarding the girl, I must say she is adapting herself pretty well: not only in the kitchen but working at the parlour too. She is taking the place as her own. I should recall to let her a note about some things~.   
Today I have to meet with Lord Phantomhive and the butler to discuss my knowledge of poisons, (apparently, new murders are happening all regarded to toxins and food) and this is very scarce. Gretchen has shown herself too reluctant to collaborate with me in my experiments since she discovered me poisoning her food. No, I was not going to kill her~ Heh, heh. She raised great objections to my idea of gradually increasing amounts of strychnine and belladonna in her breakfast, and would in no way accept my explanation that this had no other purpose than to strengthen her immunity to substances that might be served by other less friendly people - taking into account the reputation of the people of the house of our good guest.

However, I have some conclusions. The choice of poison must depend on the effect you are trying to create on the person. Thus, this one causes sneezing, others itches, jumps and convulsions, and other total death. The different poisons available should not be confused by the one who is beginning in the art of the poisoner. He will have to learn that strychnine causes stiff neck and terror. That the black and brown berries of the nightshade are the cause of wild eyes and delirium; that aconite (so often mistaken for horseradish roots) causes shivering and vomiting, and that hemlock is one of those that causes total death. There are others whose effects I am not sure of due to Gretchen's selfishness, and these are: snakeroot, rhubarb, tansy, blackberries of St. Christopher's wort, henbane fruits, mistletoe, Jerusalem artichokes and mould on some cheeses. More than one thing, I am very sure. A good poison should always be given at the beginning of a meal, as it works faster on an empty stomach. Used in this way it will benefit both the poisoner, who will have no need to use more than a small dose of his weapon, and the host, who will not want the diversions he has arranged to offer his guests after the meal to be hampered by the agony of his victim.  
I hope the young earl prepares a fair payment for such useful information that I have to give him, or in any case to the young and stubborn Gretchen~ Heh, heh, heh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact, True Fact: For talking about poisons, Leonardo had to meet with Machiavelli and his lord Cesare Borgia. Yes, he did study poisons, and yes, he tried to test them in the poor Salai, fortunately, Leonardo knew a lot about medicine and anatomy in order not to kill the poor boy. At the same time, Salai was not that dumb, so he realized just in time what Leonardo was doing with his breakfast. What do you think?   
> If you like this, you know what to do, I know you are there.

**Author's Note:**

> When I first started writing this story, so long ago, little we know about Undertaker. So I guess this development of the character is far far away from what we know now. Still, I love him in every one of his facets. I started this fic as a literary practice and for proving myself the capability to combine two different subjects. Somehow, at the same time, I fell like Undertaker and Leonardo has a lot in common, you Know, corpses, anatomy, autopsies, anyway. I love them both, so I hope you do too. Probably, by the XIX century, everything was already invented, but it´s fiction so, go ahead with the imagination. At the same time, everything related to Leonardo´s Kitchen can be found in his book, part of one of the most important codex in his career.


End file.
